All posts tagged: motherhood

Growing Up, Growing Old

I am an only child to young parents. They were barely 20 years old when they had me, which led to an extended family living situation so I grew up beside them, while my grandparents served as my second pair of parents until I went to boarding school at the young age of 13. Before my ʻūniki 1.5 years ago, my mom called me in tears. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer and she was scared. Over the course of the next 6 months, I would fly up to Honolulu, meeting my parents halfway, to attend the slew of doctors’ appointments, which coincided with her chemotherapy treatments. After chemotherapy, she underwent a double mastectomy and a stint of radiation. When she came through everything, we were told to hang tight for 6 months to make sure she was was out of the woods and being that my mom has been an avid runner for a long time, we were optimistic, but during recent check-ups, tests revealed that cancer had shown up in her liver and this time, there was less to …

A Letter to My Future Son

As March rolls in, it reminds me that 3 years ago I was about to have my son. I remember going through many emotions of fear and doubt but I did something get through it. For expecting mothers write a letter or journal your thoughts to your baby. Writing this before he was born just made it real. It also now helps me remember. While searching through my notes in my phone for an enchilada recipe I stumbled upon this: March 07, 2013 Okay so I have about a week more and I should be giving birth to my first child. I didn’t think this would be coming to fruition. It’s one thing to talk, wish, imagine, but my goodness it’s for real . I’m gonna have a baby! So that’s one thing to think it but I have to survive the labor. Am I gonna handle like a champ or cry and tell them to just cut me? I want to see this baby! Will it look like me? Will it look like James? …

Celebrate Me When I’m Alive

In the last month and a half, I have had a number of friends and loved ones pass away.  I am always saddened of course, because losing someone means a part of you no longer exists in your living life.  But more often than not, I am motivated and inspired to reflect on the following thoughts:  Am I living a life that I love?  Am I living to my fullest potential?  Am I spending my time the way I want to spend my time and not spending it in a way that is expected of me or as a result of guilt?  These thoughts help me to make sense of the loss and to find new meaning in what I believe life is all about. One such loss was the passing of my good friends’ mom, Mrs. Lam.  She was a firecracker and definitely loved living life to the fullest.  I had the honor of sharing the fond memories of her that everyone had written down for me to read during Mrs. Lams’ service.  And …

Two Cents Tuesday Challenge: Paths

Across the Bored, has a 14 day Two Cents Tuesday challenge. The theme this go around is PATHS.  Everyone today seems to be going somewhere in a hurry – “Where do the paths lead in your world?”  While visiting Lili’uoklani Park and Gardens, I found myself standing before a rock path that connected the opposite ends of the pond.  I hesitated for a moment.  I thought to myself as I contemplated going across the rock path how my life was so different last year.  Last year,  I was a carefree and worry-free individual.  Now, I am a mother and part-time caregiver for my elderly parents. The amount of responsibilities that rest on my shoulders have multiplied exponentially.  I never thought I would be where I am today. Caring for another person is exhausting, stressful, and simply nerve wrecking.  Every decision I make could possibly jeopardize the life of my loved ones.  My life has been a mirror of visits to the doctor’s office and hospitals.  While pregnant, I spent a lot of my time gallivanted through the …

Letting Go

“The Tao Te Ching says, When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. Have you ever struggled to find work or love, only to find them after you have given up? This is the paradox of letting go. Let go, in order to achieve. Letting go is God’s law.” Two years ago I was deployed to an Undisclosed Location in Southwest Asia.  How the heck did I get there? I’m in the Air National Guard, a skilled communications member in support of Spartan Shield.  But before I was cleared to go on Thanksgiving Day a year prior I just had an ACL replacement, was attempting to start a family and was settled in a job I loved. Life was great, then why did I volunteer to head across the world? On this deployment, only being there a few weeks I admitted that I never wanted to have a baby more than I’ve had before.  Good place …

Run Baby Run!

Last summer, a milestone I set for myself was completing the Kona Half Marathon. The weekend prior to the Kona Half Marathon, JQ, Rogene and I biked the half marathon course at the crack of dawn.  We started super early to have it coincide with the time of the race, and were blessed with cool breeze.  The morning ride took us past the half marathon course to the Honokohau Marina and Small Boat Harbor.  Seeing our surroundings on a bicycle gave me a totally different perspective.  I was very scared of running 13.1 miles, as my longest race was only 8K.  But, biking the course gave me confidence.  Yes, I could do it!  I had been running for a few months prior between 5 – 7 miles each day, with a longer run (10 – 12 miles) over the weekend.  So I knew my body could do it, but mentally I needed reassurance. On race day I was a nervous wreck.  The starting time for the half marathon was 30 minutes after the marathon race.  Seeing …

Onekahakaha Beach Park

Pringles, tuna relish sandwiches, RC cola, Coppertone sunscreen and my pink Strawberry Shortcake swimsuit are the treasured memories I have of the “shi shi” beach. As a youth, almost daily, especially during the summer months, my mom would pack up the car and take me to Onekahakaha Beach Park located in Keaukaha. Being an only child and with family living abroad, it usually was just my mom and I, on these outings. But once at the beach, we always met other locals or mainland visitors, and eventually made some really good friends. Late Friday afternoon, I had the opportunity to meet up with some sweet mamas and their keiki from the Big Island Babywearing Group at Onekahakaha Beach Park. It has been close to 30 years since I went back to this keiki friendly beach. The Hawai’i County Parks and Recreation has done a fabulous job of updating the pavilions, improving the landscape to avoid all the recurring puddles, and putting in more picnic benches and grass for families to layout and play. Seeing the …