I bought Crash by the Dave Matthews Band for the “Crash into Me” single, but the fifth song, #41, ended up on my life’s soundtrack.
I was knee deep in transition when I added it to my list of all-time favorite songs. I was recently graduated, gainfully employed, and poorly transitioning out of a relationship. I had also moved from my quaint college town to the big city. It was not a graceful time in my life. I made a lot of mistakes and it was like real life was kicking my ass on the daily.
I remember sitting in the middle of traffic one day, trying desperately to get back home. It had been an especially trying day and I just needed to retreat. The AC in my car was on the fritz and traffic wasn’t moving as quickly as I needed it to. #41 came on just as I took a sip of water and I felt the unmistakable sting of tears forming at the edges of my eyes. A few seconds later, I sat sobbing in rush hour traffic, while fellow travelers tried not to look in my direction.
It wasn’t surprising. The release was actually long overdue. I had been so focused on staying the same and keeping everything as it was, that I was in denial of where my life really was. Suppressing emotions associated with some major life transitions had been a bad idea and at that pivotal moment in my car, listening to Dave Matthew belt out #41, I was suddenly aware of how necessary it was to shift my focus on the present.
Whenever I find myself going through a difficult transition in my life, you’ll find me digging through the few CD’s I still own, for Crash, because no matter how old I get, #41 is that one song that instantly brings me back to that afternoon, when I was vulnerable and crying behind the wheel of my car, and where I learned the valuable life lesson that re-evaluating, re-prioritizing, and re-focusing ones life, although difficult, is always possible.
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