Carolina, Parenting

Learning to Let Go

The Hands Free Revolution recently posted an excerpt from Deborah Bryan’s blog that truly resonated with me.  Just reading the first few lines I started to get misty eyed. Those who know me well, know that I am not a very emotional person. I am not one to spend so much time contemplating a decision based on how I feel. But, rather make decisions from a logical and analytical perspective.

“How are you?” What once seemed like a simple polite way to greet someone has turned me into an emotional hot mess.  How can these three words cause me so much grief?  Lately, I have been struggling with letting go of the inevitable that my baby is growing up and though I want to spend every waking hour with her and protect her from any danger or pitfalls, she needs to learn to survive in this world.  I have also been struggling with who will be her caregiver while I return to work full-time.  What once would have been an automatic response of, “my parents will watch my daughter while I am at work,” has turned into the unknown.  Finding someone I like, someone I trust and most of all someone reliable has been so hard.

Other countries, like Sweden and Norway, have such great paid parental leave.  I wonder why we cannot adopt some of these practices?  I never thought I would be one to want to stay home with my baby.  Every moment I spend with her I try to be as present as possible.  I won’t get those moments back.  My husband and I are blessed to have this little girl in our lives.  Having to part with her several hours a day is going to be difficult.  Knowing that I may miss out when she learns to sit up on her own, learn to hold her own spoon, or take her first step is agonizing.  I have been so emotional lately, I am simply exhausted.  I never knew it would be this hard.

I will treasure each morning and evening feeding.  It is usually our quiet time where we regroup and connect.  When she looks up at me while she feeds I am in awe that she is mine.  I will remember to hold her hand, and talk with her about my day.  As I go through this transition, I have to trust my decisions.  I cannot control everything, and need to let go.

This entry was posted in: Carolina, Parenting

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Mother. International Educator. Explorer. Foodie. My mantra in life is to try something once, it doesn’t hurt to fail, as we learn from that experience.

2 Comments

  1. Joia says

    I feel your pain. First day I went back to work I cried and cried when I got there. For the first few months i would go and have lunch with him every day. I was lucky he was 10 minutes away from work. But then it gets easier…. Specially if you find someone you trust your baby with. Just as you said, the mornings and evenings are our precious time together. 🙂 And of course the weekends and the holidays here and there… and life goes on. We make good memories with the time we have together. Time goes by so fast!!!! Big hug to you in this tough moment.

    • Mahalo, Joia. I appreciate your words of encouragement, and hearing about your own experience. And yes, the memories we make together I am remembering to document so I won’t forget.

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